Congratulations to all the fans of college football teams that won on the first Saturday of the 2018 season.
To those whose teams lost, remember, amateur sports is not about winning and losing, but in providing a wholesome, fun experience for the student athletes and university community. If all you care about is winning, you are just being selfish, probably didn’t go to school at Vanderbilt, and might be a gambler.
But wait, there’s more.
College football continues Sunday and Monday nights, offering a glimpse into whether anyone in the ACC can challenge the hegemony of the ruthless Dabo Swinney and his marauding Clemson. (Probably not).
It also provides relatively cheap programming for the TV networks, which for now are still showing a profit on broadcasts of college football games, even though ESPN is hemorrhaging money and has had layoffs that looked like tsunami casualty figures. (Was that insensitive? Fuck it. It’s Facebook.)
Will the internet ruin that, too? Give it time.
8 Miami vs. 25 LSU, 6:30 p.m. ABC
If LSU loses ugly, it could begin the maelstrom of booster distemper that will suck coach Ed Orgeron into career oblivion.
It could happen, because LSU hasn’t had a good quarterback since JaMarcus Russell, who then-head coach Nick Saban and then-assistant Jimbo Fisher coached up into a killing machine before he went to the NFL and developed a taste for codeine cough syrup mixed with Sprite and Jolly Ranchers.
This year, LSU has an Ohio State transfer called Joe Burrow to replace the kid who graduated, what’s his name. But there’s no Leonard Fournette or Derrius Guice in the backfield, who could make me a pretty good quarterback if I didn’t fall down trying to hand the ball to those badasses.
He’s got 6-foot-6 Steven Sullivan back as a receiver, so he can look for the tallest guy and aim high, and maybe that’ll be enough.
Last year, Miami’s defense gave it up like Stormy Daniels. But they do have seven or eight guys back so maybe they got better, I don’t know.
Miami has quarterback Malik Rosier, who can pitch it around but has a bad habit of throwing it to the wrong team. He threw more than half as many interceptions as he did touchdowns.
LSU’s defense will be good and their secondary is the most talented position on the team (which is saying more than it sounds like). That could help if Malik gets confused about what color shirts his team is wearing.
Miami is a 3.5 point favorite. I wouldn’t touch that bet in a hazmat suit.
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