Couch Potato: Virginia Tech vs. Florida State in the “We Will Probably Lose to Clemson Later in the Season Bowl,” Labor Day, Sept. 3, 2018

Let’s talk about Florida State, under new head coach Willie Taggart, who dumped Oregon for Tallahassee when Jimbo Fisher said fuck this shit and went to Texas A&M. Jimbo really wanted to get gone, because he went somewhere he gets to play Crazy Ed Orgeron and Psycho Nick Saban, the ever-vicious Auburn and the increasingly viable Mississippi State every. single. year.

Seventy-five million dollars will make a man do a lot of things. So will catching hell over a 7-6 season when your QB got smushed by Alabama in the season opener.

Taggart chose Deondre Francois as his starting QB over James Blackman, who took over after they toted Deondre off just about this time last year. Taggert’s decision was not a big surprise, because Francois is much, muuuuuuuch better than Blackman, who piloted the Seminoles to a Jimbo-chasing 6-6 record as a starter. What was a surprise was that third-stringer redshirt freshman Bailey Hockman promptly said fuck this shit and announced that he was transferring before the ink dried on the depth chart.

FSU should still be pretty good offensively, provided no quarterbacks get hurt, because if the top two go down, I guess they’ll just punt on first down and play defense. Barring that, Cam Akers is a sweet running back and the two guys behind him can deal, too. Taggart is good at tailoring his proish-stylish offense to fit his personnel, and at FSU, he’s actually got some talent to work with.

FSU was going to be a good team last year before Francois got tuned up. He can throw the hell out of it and runs right zippy, too, so he could be a monster in the Taggart scheme. But they lost 2,000 players on defense and chances are that will work to the Seminole’s detriment, even against the often sketchy VaTech offense.

Virginia Tech lost 3,000 players on defense, which could make things really interesting. They are particularly inexperienced in the secondary, which is not a good thing against FSU.

FSU is a 7-point favorite, and the over is predictably high. I’m going to guess the Seminoles will win but won’t cover but hell, I don’t know. If was good at this I’d be in Bermuda underpaying a millennial to write this crap.

Scroll down for previous examples of deathless prose

 

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