Recap: On Saturday night, Nick Saban yelled at ESPN sideline reporter Maria Taylor after Alabama’s 51-14 deconstruction of Louisville, the world’s poorest excuse for a football team until Miami and Florida State unleashed their egregiousness on national TV in the following 48 hours.
In the contractually mandated walk-off interview that must be fulfilled before The SEC and The University of Alabama can receive ESPN checks for obscene amounts of money so they can afford to do shit like pay Saban $9.3 million a year, she asked about the quarterbacks. Fair question. The “quarterback controversy” after Tua Tagovailoa started and trampled out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored and Jalen struggled, was the only thing anybody the few people still watching this snoozer gave a shit about. But true to form, Nick lost it, “Why do you keep asking me questions that try to make me say I don’t respect one of them? I’m not gonna do it. So quit askin’!”
It’s Wednesday and we’re still talking about it. President Trump tweets, Coach Saban yells at reporters. You don’t have to like it, but it sure does feed the bulldog.
Good God, is there a person on earth who has not yet reached the conclusion that Nick Saban is a … prickly fellow. He’s quick to anger. He’s likely on the far end of several spectrums and has a compulsion to control everything around him. He even tries to control the questions sports journalists ask him. Yeah, lots of luck with that, Coach.
He was pissed off because his team made a billion mistakes, had 432 penalties and still beat the shit out of a team that really didn’t want to be there much to begin with and by the third quarter, many of the Louisville players looked as if they were praying for sweet death to free them.
Maria was the first person to talk to him after the game, and she had no idea she had wandered into the kill zone. She really handled it well. After he snapped, eyes wild cords in his neck standing out, voice cracking she said, “I hear you.” And asked the next question. Guuuurl.
He called Maria on the phone, got her name wrong and issued a half-assed apology in the third person plural. It would be funny if it weren’t a little sad, but that’s football, you know?
Then in his press conference on Monday, the first thing he did was announce that Tua Terrific, the Hawaiian Hammer, who has played in two games in his career, now is the 8-5 favorite to win the Heisman Trophy, will start for the Tide on Saturday against the Arkansas State Red Wolves. And the sun will rise in the east, and it’ll be hot as hell in Tuscaloosa, and if you don’t coat every square millimeter of your exposed skin with OFF Deep Woods, the skeeters will come buzzing in from the Black Warrior River and drink every drop of your blood.
And before, during and after, Nick Saban will be pissed off about everything. It’s his modus operandi.
Alabama fans know that when Saban is pissed off after his team pounds an opponent into quivering goo, things are going to be all right, and their lust for crushing, serial victories will be slaked.
SO CAN YOU QUIT TALKING ABOUT IT, OK? I’M NOT GOING TO SAY ANOTHER WORD ABOUT IT!
Unless I change my mind.