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COUCH POTATO: College football Week 3, Sept. 14, 2019 A few halfway-decent games to watch instead of mowing the grass

Arkansas State at Georgia, ESPN2, Noon ET

Were you the kind of wicked little child who on hot, summer days enjoyed getting a magnifying glass and vaporizing entire ant beds by focusing searing light on the helpless insects? If you were, you might tune in to this game. It’ll be in the high 90s in Athens, Ga. and the searing southern sun will beat down on Georgia beating down on the Red Wolves in another game of the sort that should be legislated out of existence.

Hate to say it, but Nick Saban is right, again, and damn it, he usually is. The Power 5 schools should be mandated to play five games against other Power 5 or Group of 5 schools. It’s got to be a rule because nobody’s going to do it unless you make them because these days, you can lose two games by 1 point on a safety on a bad call on the last play of the game, and you go to the Peach Bowl instead of the College Football Playoffs.

A few good teams could work UCF into the schedule, because I’m about to buy their propaganda that they are the best team in Florida because the other ones aren’t so hot and the Knights beat the snot out of everybody. But is Georgia going to invite them up to Athens to bake in the blistering sun and run the risk of losing? Is Alabama going to play Penn State? Nope. Because those guys at Alabama and Georgia aren’t dopes.

Alabama at South Carolina, 3:30 p.m., CBS

This could have been almost interesting if South Carolina didn’t lose their starting quarterback in the first game, a loss to North Carolina. They don’t stand a snowball’s chance in Columbia, S.C. as it is.

Bama’s a 25.5-point favorite, which is likely to be eclipsed, I’d think, unless Tua gets hurt. He’s delicate, like his passing touch, when the ball floats beautiful and straight, like a feather pillow, into the fingers of the streaking Jerry Jeudy. He’s a wonder to behold, but I always fear that he’ll shatter like a clay pigeon in a cloud of birdshot if a defensive end gets a clean shot at him. And the way the OL has been playing, that’s possible.

Like a lot of Bama fans and gamblers, I have these recurring dreams, where Tua goes down and the trainers help him off the field, and instead of Jalen Hurts, Mac Jones buckles up his chinstrap. I wake up in a cold sweat, then realize it was only a dream, but just in case I’ve developed precognative powers, I log onto BoDog at 3 a.m. and put a buck on the other team to cover and a quarter on Jalen to win the Heisman.

What the hell do you say about about this game? Tua needs 300 passing and three or four TDs to stay in the Heisman running. It’ll be interesting to see if Alabama’s offensive line and defense have gotten any better, which they’re bound to do sooner or later, but not yet.

As far as saying anything about South Carolina – well, the new quarterback is doing all right, I guess. Bowl bid good? We’ll see.

Stanford at UCF, 3:30 p.m., WatchESPN

If you want to fool around with your computer to see this game on WatchESPN, it might be worth it to determine if UCF is the best college football team in Florida. I think they are, right now. They’re pretty good, and so far, everybody else is sketchy at best.

Well, Florida is sketchy, with a decent chance of turning things around, and today’s game against Kentucky will tell a lot. Florida State and Miami are awful. Miami might improve. Florida State is done like dinner.

Stanford has looked awful this season. Why on earth they’d agree to fly to Orlando to play this band of cutthroats in the middle of hurricane season is beyond me.

Florida at Kentucky, 7 p.m., ESPN

This one was going to be be so good. Then kickass Kentucky quarterback Terry Wilson got hurt and can’t play the rest of the season, placing the Wildcats’ 1-game win streak over Florida in jeopardy.

Taking over is Sawyer Smith, a transfer from Troy, who has a cool name and threw for about 1,700 yards last year. I don’t know if he’s any good, but if he were better than Wilson, he’d have started. He was the starter at Troy last year because their starting guy got hurt in the Liberty game and he took over. If he were still at Troy, he’s be running a solid fourth string, so take Florida and give the points.

Florida’s long string of mediocre quarterbacks seems to be continuing with Felipe Franks, the returning starter I thought was going to be really good this year. He wound up last season playing very well, then he’s been flaky as grandma’s biscuits so far this season. He may turn things around any minute now – and this week would be a good time to do it. Or maybe he’ll fall down and throw it to the wrong team and stuff.

Oklahoma at UCLA, 8 p.m., FOX

This should be ruthless. The odds on UCLA coach Chip Kelly getting fired this year are 30-1, which might be a pretty good bet. He’s still showing up for the games as we speak, but I wouln’t be surprised if he started staying home and watching on TV, talking to his assistants on the cell, and checking occasionally to see if the check is still being auto-deposited.

The Bruins are off to a 0-2 start, bringing Kelly’s record there to 3-11, and it’s not like there were any moral victories in that pile of smoking ruin.

Oklahoma’s offense is smoking, and the defense shows up just long enough to earn a letter jacket at the end of the year. But UCLA doesn’t have the firepower to exploit any weaknesses the Sooners have.

It’ll be fun to watch because Jalen Hurts is exciting, unshackled in Lincoln Riley’s swirling offense. Will he get 600 yards? Probably not, but maybe.

I don’t know what the line is, but take Oklahoma and the over.