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COUCH POTATO COLLEGE FOOTBALL: Alabama is No. 1 again, but they aren’t the best team right now: Auburn is; Clemson has been sucky, but they always are this time of year

Guys, if Alabama’s the best team in the country right now, the others in the top 10 are not as good as I think they are. Alabama has made its beat-ass reputation running and stopping the run since the 1880s, but not this year. Boy, that Tua can pass and the four wide receivers of the apocalypse can catch, great God O mitey. But a good defense can put a stop to that. Bama has yet to confront anything remotely resembling a good defense.

Last week, Ole Miss, who got stoned by Memphis, gained 500 yards and scored 31 on Alabama with a second-string quarterback who can’t throw it across an average living room. But he ran through Alabama like water through a mountain stream as linebackers took bad angles and missed tackles when they did get to the ball, and defensive linemen waved as ballcarriers went by and hollered to the safety, “Here he comes! Get him!”

You know who’s running and stopping the run right now? Auburn. They’ve become true believers in themselves, that 12-year-old quarterback is playing like a wild man, and Gus Malzahn is hell when he has a team that can score. The defensive front is looking like the best in ball right now. If Dan Mullen isn’t coming up with a brilliant game plan and coaching the hell out of Xs and Os and Jimmys and Joes, Florida is going to get killed dead on their home field like a possum on the Interstate.

If the Iron Bowl were this week, Auburn would win. They’d have to hold Bama to about 40 points, which I think they could do, and the 12-year-old quarterback would run around behind the line for a minute and a half until somebody got open.

Poor LSU had an off week so they dropped to No. 5, leapfrogged by Ohio State, who got too much credit for pounding a weak Nebraska team into goo. The Buckeyes are good, though. Nebraska is horrid.

Oklahoma is in sixth place – you know the CFP Committee and ESPN executives are hoping hard for a first-round clash between Bama’s Tua Tagavailoa and the guy he beat out, Jalen Hurts, who is a hell of a player, too. Actually, I’d love to see that, myself.

Wisconsin, the last team in America that still plays football as God intended, by blocking and tackling hard, and handing the ball to Jonathan Taylor, who is the best running back in the nation (if you don’t count Hurts, who has a low number, lines up behind the center and passes occasionally.) The Badgers wore throwback jerseys and only beat Northwestern by 9, which is a lot of points when you play defense and run 12 minutes off the clock on a 47-yard, scoreless drive.

There’s parity in college football this year, at least going into Week 6. I think there are about 12 teams that could win the national championship if the chips fell right.

I have a theory on that. Two years ago, Alabama didn’t finish first in recruiting, they were what? like seventh? So Nick Saban ran off everybody but the water boy after a national championship season. Do they still have water boys? Probably not. They just let the players drink water like the lazy guy on the construction crew.

America’s gone to hell, and back when there were water boys, we were winning World Wars, all the daddies had good jobs so the mamas could stay home and make sure the kids didn’t grow up to be assholes, and football players, who got a drink of water about three times a week, were tough. Teams threw about six passes a year whether they needed to or not, and final scores were like 9-7 because a straight-legged kicker knocked through a conference-record, 27-yard field goal in the third quarter, and the defense made the lead stand up. I wasn’t actually alive then, but that’s what my grandfather told me. He’s dead now.

But anyway, Alabama didn’t sign all the good players, so there were one or two left over for everybody else. This is the year that’s starting to show. Enjoy it while you can.

OK. That’s that.