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COUCH POTATO COLLEGE FOOTBALL A few reasons to watch ball tomorrow, but nothing that really sing

14 Iowa at 19 Michigan noon Fox

Oh, Iowa, you and your underrated quarterback could do the whole world and Michigan in general such a favor by knocking over the Wolfer Dogs in their own house this morning and bringing us all a step closer to no Jim Harbaugh in any position of significant authority. Nate Stanley has led the Hawks to four wins, ass beatings of Miami of Ohio, Rutgers and Middle Tennessee and a 1-point vic over Iowa State. It’s nothing to write home about, but guess what Nate has in common with Tua Tagovailoa? They both like popsicles, but that’s not what I’m getting at. Neither has thrown an interception. Iowa can beat Michigan based on what I’ve seen of the two teams. I really don’t care. But Jim Harbaugh just kind of pisses me off, a feeling I seem to share with most Michigan fans.

Utah State at 5 LSU noon

LSU fell a notch in the polls by taking a week off last week. Will there be an Utah State jersey left unburned after this game? Will the campus have been invaded by Louisianians leaving no brick on top of the other? Only symbolically, I suppose. But I’m thinking we’re looking at an epic dog beating here.

7 Auburn at 10 Florida 3:30 CBS

Only good game all day. Does Puff the Magic Auburn keep childhood dreams alive in the hot Florida sun this afternoon, or do the wheels fly off. I don’t think so. I think Auburn’s found their stride, they have a great defensive front and can stand and bang with most folks. But you know, Florida can do a thing that Auburn has been good at over the years, and that’s been play like shit and win all their games. So can Florida turn in a shitty victory? Yes, they can. But will they? All depends. Auburn, for all their scrambling, rambling, scraping and running over bulldogs have been a very efficient team. No brutal picks at inopportune times, touchdown passes with 6 seconds felt, etc. If bad Florida shows up and makes Bad Auburn from the realm where it as been hiding, we could be in for a freakshow that sees the Gator against all odds hold on to its undefeated mantle and make everybody go “OOOoooooooooo.” I doubt, it, but if that’s how it happens, that’s how it’ll happen.

Georgia at Tennessee 7 espn

Imagine Georgia’s a helicopter, put 4,000 chickens in a box, then drop it from 10 miles up into a coyote habitat deep in the Grand Canyon. That’s what Georgia’s going to do Tennesssee.

Vandy at Ole Miss

Here’s Vanderbit’s change to prove how bad Alabama’s is. Can the Anchors Down hold the Old Mississippi Black Bear Rebel Schooler Sharks to under 500 yards? I got 10 bucks says they can. Who wants some?

25 Michigan State at Ohio State

Michigan State is always just good enough to look really horrible when they get run through a wood chipper by a good team, such as Ohio State. Everybody take some shovels up the remains of Michigan State and mulch your roses with them

California at Oregon

Why does everyboy hate Cal? Just because they are smarter than you and are going to get better jobs that you when they got out of school. They’re 4-0 and Oregon is 3-1, thanks to that last second failure to cover an open Auburn receiver in the first game of the union. So are they any good anyway, or did they just beat a team that got hot. Show us, Cal. Beat their guts out or lose. Either way, we’ll know.

15 Washington at Stanford

It’s kind of Pitiful that Washington is the last best hope for the Pac-12, which is just awful. The last time Washington won on the road at Stanford is 2007, and the last time a Washington Graduate got a job instead of a Stanford one is caveman days. Stanford is a good shool. Washington is where to go if you want to fish a lot in sight of skyscrapers and work in the forest doing something with trees. Washington is 4-1, which is on the verge of being relevant. Stanford is 2-2 which is just right before beating Washington and destroying all their hopes and dreams.